Rose Printed Bed Sheets
I took the whole day off to buy house stuff. I guess technically that’s ‘home goods’, but that reminds me of scented candles and floral curtains. I’m too young for curtains.
After looking through all the possible bed sheet options provided (there were three) I chose the package with roses printed on the front. The roses were large – they had big red swirly petals that looked as if they covered the entire sheet. They didn’t.
I stretched the sheets over my bed, but they turned out to be larger than ‘twin’. Instead of smooth sheets, I got saggy wrinkles and folds. I’m also too young to have that description in my bedroom.
The roses were much smaller than they looked on the box. They look like little tulips. I’m much too old for tulips.
The upshot: they were $6 with tax.
Why are women so stuck on age? If she is really as young as she makes herself out to be, why bother talking about it? Girls always complain that men don’t have to worry about getting old, but that’s bullshit.
Sure, the eye wrinkles make us look like a wise captain of a ship or whatever, but if you don’t end up with Clooney hair – you’re fucked. Most of us end up like George Costanza and if we’re not fat by 40, we’ve got some kind of physical problem. Like liver disease.
I don’t have any sympathy for aging women. They know where they stand and it’s not on me. Nothing’s worse than a drunk college chick screaming Baby Got Back as if she heard it on the charts.
Elizabeth Goodletter doesn’t need sheets. She needs a comforter.